Rowling:
You
put the ho in horcrux
If
you know what I mean
‘Cause
more snitch been near your snatch than there’re types of every flavour bean.
While
Ed sparkles in the sun,
Bella
be so pale it be obscene
Where’s
this shit even come from?
Oh
yes, it came to you in a dream.
See
it does not do to dwell on
Dreams
and forget to live ‘cause even if
Edward
is the hottest undead guy ever,
He’s
pretty and likes the dark? Should work in fucking Hollister.
He’s
such a shallow prick
The
only depth is in his hair
No
wonder fire is a hazard
All
that product in the air.
And
Bells put the die in Indie
She
be so emo, apathetic,
New
Moon of her pathetic depression,
You
can obliviate. Forget it.
Meyer:
You
say my ideas are shit
My,
you’re such a hypocrite.
A
ginger with two friends?
We’re
both being unrealistic.
But
I guess your ending’s smart:
‘I
open at the close’
It’s
just a shame that yo’ villain doesn’t even have a nose.
And
if your hero’s so magic why does he need specs to see?
As
for the Weasleys: offensive.
I
have ginger sensitive epilepsy.
See,
I find that more tragic than the whole ‘orphaned’ thang.
And
‘the chosen one’ is such a cliché,
What
in the name of Jacob’s wang?
Yeah
Harry is such a four eyes,
Some
nerdy looking twat.
Protected
by his mother’s love?
What
the Forks is with that?
Rowling:
I
created Potter, more,
And
an entire magical world.
All
you got’s some pasty hipsters
And
a whiney little girl (Edward).
I
gon’ wingardium my leviosa in yo’ face,
You
literary disgrace,
Wish
you’d jump off a cliff, like that stupid bitch, and sink without a trace.
See
my characters are deep, and my plot is complex.
Your
stupid fans just watch the movies, to see Taylor Lautner’s pecs.
Meyer:
Well
I know you think you’re better but you shouldn’t even bother,
Bet
your boggart looks like me, you think you’re such a great author,
Yeah
Dumbledore died,
So
will the era of Potter,
Because
this saga is far larger
And
the Cullens are way hotter.
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