You put the ho in horcrux
If you know what I mean
‘Cause more snitch been near your snatch than there’re types of every flavour bean.
While Ed sparkles in the sun,
Bella be so pale it be obscene
Where’s this shit even come from?
Oh yes, it came to you in a dream.
See it does not do to dwell on
Dreams and forget to live ‘cause even if
Edward is the hottest undead guy ever,
He’s pretty and likes the dark? Should work in fucking Hollister.
He’s such a shallow prick
The only depth is in his hair
No wonder fire is a hazard
All that product in the air.
And Bells put the die in Indie
She be so emo, apathetic,
New Moon of her pathetic depression,
You can obliviate. Forget it.
You say my ideas are shit
My, you’re such a hypocrite.
A ginger with two friends?
We’re both being unrealistic.
But I guess your ending’s smart:
‘I open at the close’
It’s just a shame that yo’ villain doesn’t even have a nose.
And if your hero’s so magic why does he need specs to see?
As for the Weasleys: offensive.
I have ginger sensitive epilepsy.
See, I find that more tragic than the whole ‘orphaned’ thang.
And ‘the chosen one’ is such a cliché,
What in the name of Jacob’s wang?
Yeah Harry is such a four eyes,
Some nerdy looking twat.
Protected by his mother’s love?
What the Forks is with that?
I created Potter, more,
And an entire magical world.
All you got’s some pasty hipsters
And a whiney little girl (Edward).
I gon’ wingardium my leviosa in yo’ face,
You literary disgrace,
Wish you’d jump off a cliff, like that stupid bitch, and sink without a trace.
See my characters are deep, and my plot is complex.
Your stupid fans just watch the movies, to see Taylor Lautner’s pecs.
Well I know you think you’re better but you shouldn’t even bother,
Bet your boggart looks like me, you think you’re such a great author,
Yeah Dumbledore died,
So will the era of Potter,
Because this saga is far larger
And the Cullens are way hotter.